Scared

It feels like it is going to be a real bad day. Waking up with a lot of tension, internal turmoil and very dark thoughts.

I am so bleeping scared. Scared of having to try and hold dark thoughts in check when it's all that is flowing through my mind when I am awake. Scared that I am feeling such a calmness about that certain option.

Scared because that option doesn't scare me the same way everything else scares me.