Looking Outtag:www.serialpurrs.org,2008-01-24://12008-06-29T13:53:03ZOf all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.Movable Type 4.1Scaredtag:www.serialpurrs.org,2008://1.692008-06-29T13:51:13Z2008-06-29T13:53:03ZIt feels like it is going to be a real bad day. Waking up with a lot of tension, internal turmoil and very dark thoughts.I am so bleeping scared. Scared of having to try and hold dark thoughts in check...Sara I am so bleeping scared. Scared of having to try and hold dark thoughts in check when it's all that is flowing through my mind when I am awake. Scared that I am feeling such a calmness about that certain option.
Scared because that option doesn't scare me the same way everything else scares me. ]]>
Sleeptag:www.serialpurrs.org,2008://1.682008-06-26T14:19:08Z2008-06-26T16:00:47ZRight now the thought about permanent sleep sounds tempting....Sara
Right now the thought about permanent sleep sounds tempting.
Changestag:www.serialpurrs.org,2008://1.662008-06-21T14:42:04Z2008-06-21T14:43:03ZSara Changes so big that I am having a very, very hard time dealing with and accepting them. Changes which I probably should be documenting blog style, but it's personal, it's painful, it's heartbreaking and it's very very scary being me right now. ]]>
End of the linetag:www.serialpurrs.org,2008://1.652008-06-18T17:25:29Z2008-06-18T17:26:16ZI can't talk about it right now, but this is the end of the line :(...Sara
I can't talk about it right now, but this is the end of the line :(
On dry landtag:www.serialpurrs.org,2008://1.642008-06-12T00:04:40Z2008-06-12T00:15:27ZAs some of you probably know the area I'm living in, is currently the subject of massive flooding. Flooding which is being termed historic and which could surpass or reach flooding as seen in the last 500 years.That is big....Sara That is big. Really big. A local news paper is the best resource for area images and latest news.
Right now I'm so very, very happy that hubby and I decided to stay in Marion when we were looking at houses. I don't think I could have dealt with having to sandbag and a potential evacuation at the same time. ]]>
Plan aheadtag:www.serialpurrs.org,2008://1.632008-06-10T03:19:51Z2008-06-10T03:23:23ZSomeone please remind to try and plan ahead a little bit next time I get crafty ideas? I just dumped a load of coffee grounds which I could have used to do the aging on some card stock and paper...Sara I just dumped a load of coffee grounds which I could have used to do the aging on some card stock and paper I wanted to work with tonight. Now I have to wait until tomorrow instead. Probably better though, but damnit I wanted to do the aging tonight so it could dry overnight and I could work on my project tomorrow in between doing laundry and other fun housework type stuff. ]]>
Happy birthday to metag:www.serialpurrs.org,2008://1.622008-06-09T14:27:08Z2008-06-09T14:29:03ZI have no clue what is going to happen today....Sara
I have no clue what is going to happen today.
Interesting nighttag:www.serialpurrs.org,2008://1.612008-06-06T12:59:32Z2008-06-06T13:00:20ZSo we were supposed to have several watches and warnings throughout the night. I do not think we had any thunder, but did get a bit of rain and from the look of the side yard a lot of wind...Sara But that was not what made the night interesting. It was one set of neighbors across the street and hubby was thisclose to call the cops on them too. A lot of yelling and screaming, someone backing out of the driveway and hitting another car (belonging to that house) setting off the car alarm and more yelling and screaming. ]]>
How do you cope?tag:www.serialpurrs.org,2008://1.602008-06-06T04:18:11Z2008-06-06T04:18:57ZI used to think that I didn't mind the bad mid-west type of weather, but I am not so sure anymore. Lately I've noticed that I have a lot more anxiety type reactions to the prospect of bad weather moving...Sara
I used to think that I didn't mind the bad mid-west type of weather, but I am not so sure anymore. Lately I've noticed that I have a lot more anxiety type reactions to the prospect of bad weather moving through.
Still heretag:www.serialpurrs.org,2008://1.592008-05-31T02:43:45Z2008-05-31T02:52:54ZLately it feels like all I've been able to say whenever I have logged in to make a post, "Still here". I have always been here, but haven't had the energy to write about but what has been going on...Sara Movable Type 4.2 is close to being complete and I'm playing with it in an off line install. The beta has been going on for a while, but I haven't had the energy to do anything about that until yesterday when I finally bit the bullet, downloaded and installed. I don't see much of a difference speed wise, but that might actually change once I get it installed online and go live with it.
And it getting close to the time when I usually get the itch to start (mostly) over with the install, so expect the unexpected around here. Of course there's a few entries which will remain as well as the wishblade file and a few other things. ]]>
Contract weekendtag:www.serialpurrs.org,2008://1.582008-05-02T13:31:39Z2008-05-02T13:32:25ZTomorrow is contract day and I'm not really looking forward to it. I think both hubby and I are expecting it be shitty and people to be too chicken to stand up and say hell no you guys better get...Sara I really, really hope there is room for a good surprise but I don't expect it. ]]>
Wonderingtag:www.serialpurrs.org,2008://1.572008-04-29T04:24:11Z2008-04-29T04:24:57ZI am starting to wonder just how much weight I've lost during those whole ordeal. I sat down on a chair and ended up having to raise my butt because I was actually sitting on my t-shirt. I can not...Sara Things that makes you go hmmm, but I'm enjoying it for all it's worth right now.
The weekend turned out to be excellent and quiet, which was something both of us needed :) ]]>
Hopetag:www.serialpurrs.org,2008://1.562008-04-26T00:48:30Z2008-04-26T00:49:20ZHoping this weekend will be quiet and as normal as anything can be around here. Really need not having to worry and concentrate about outside issues. Hubby and I need time to just be and be us for a while....Sara
Hoping this weekend will be quiet and as normal as anything can be around here. Really need not having to worry and concentrate about outside issues. Hubby and I need time to just be and be us for a while.
One day at a timetag:www.serialpurrs.org,2008://1.552008-04-24T00:51:21Z2008-04-24T00:52:08ZDespite waking up wicked early and halfway expecting to have my mind racing like a cat 5 because of it (didn't happen though), it has been a mostly quiet day. For the last couple of weeks it seems to have...Sara I know the potential for that to happen is still there, but somewhere I am also hopeful that not having it happen today is a turning point for me.
Another personal turning point has been music. Normally when I'm having a lot of stress going on (whether internal or external) I cannot stand to listen to much (if any) music at all. I tend to listen for the emotional impact of music and sometimes that hits quite deeply. When that happens I have to stop listening for a while to lessen the impact from music versus impact of internal or external stress. Just too much to handle at the same time.
As for the whole family mess, I am hopeful but guarded about the situation. Last week was fairly quiet and then the walls came crashing down over the weekend, so needless to say I'm a bit guarded about the developments since then.
I have been told that I am a strong person in all of this, but that is not what I have felt like for the last 3 weeks. I have had some really bad days where it felt like I was totally losing control of everything. Not a feeling I like at all. Specially not when looking at how hard all of this has been on hubby and trying to give him some stability to deal with his personal emotional fallout from all of this.
Breathing easier but still taking it one day at a time. ]]>
Coming hometag:www.serialpurrs.org,2008://1.542008-04-22T14:16:07Z2008-04-22T14:17:21ZGot to spend a couple of hours on IM with hubby yesterday. He is indeed coming home today and boy do I look forward to that :)Got a lot of reassurances which has put my mind at ease (but still...Sara Got a lot of reassurances which has put my mind at ease (but still guarded) about a lot of issues in all this mess. Now we all needs to begin moving forward. ]]>